Trailer life

DAY 3- Back at the trailer all day and some intense scenes. Joey’s on the other side of the door first and I’m giving him my side of it for timing. On the second take he’s slamming on the door. Really want to see that from the other side. Two takes. I can hear and feel that he’s being amazing in there. Then Annie watching McClain studying happily from the doorway. Set-ups blur for me on this day. We do the scene where he throws away his application in frustration. Joey’s convinced Annie is a terrible mother. I try to convince him that she’s just human, but he’s having none of it. Feeling comfortable at the level of this scene – they could all be Annie being frustrated and worried, but they’ve got to vary to show any growth or range. So I’m liking playing the exhausted, quietly tired working mother about to give up, knowing she can’t. She smokes continually – because, I realize, when her husband dies, now five years ago, she’s just self-destructive enough to want to die, but loves her son too much to do it quickly. And she really likes to smoke. Can barely keep the grocery bags on the table, I like that. Bag working with me – helping to make their situation look unstable. Justin places a half eaten “kids cuisine” frozen dinner on the table – which cracks Joey and I up. Not only is she absentee, she leaves him with only little kid food to feed himself. The “kids cuisine” box is even in the grocery bag I bring in. I forget to close the door, or manage leave it open. Mark is sweet about it.

Then I get my turn to loose it in my scene with Judith. Have to pace myself to keep the curve of anger to desperate sadness, but Spice’s play is really forceful and plays so much differently than I had expected with Liz (my original Judith, ending up unavailable with a play in Europe), that it keeps me very organic. I had not expected to sob quite so physically by the end, but there’s nothing to be done and Diana tears up in the rehearsal, (my neurotic side wonders if she is moved or frustrated)...she seems moved and is really affirming. GOD PLEASE. We rehearse first, set up, break for dinner (which dear lord I cannot eat or I’ll be puking by the second take) and then an hour and a half later play it out. Two takes per angle and we have close ups standing and sitting. I know I’ll be horse in the morning. And my stomach with be tight until later tonight. BUT I’m there. Over and over again, and Mitch is checking on me after each take, Diana, keeping tabs. Feeling profound gratitude, and remembering each word that [one of the moms] said to me – and thinking really they were all so stoic, [another mom] talking about Buddy without describing him just as one of the first in the wave of AIDS victims, [a third mom] talking about the mothers who flooded her answering machine with hysteria after Matthew Shepard was murdered -- Annie here is really a picture of the what they hid – the angst and desperation, ruthless protectiveness, and I keep thinking of them, and praying my intentions are accessible and true – this is the moment of realizing all that research – all those conversations I embarked on nervously and left feeling so completely privileged to have had. This is where I pay that back. And this is my reward.

Deep breath and my favorite scene—Flora asks for the pot and I’m so happy I get to take part in some levity – particularly today. Emily is AMAZING funny and it plays out too quickly – could do that scene all day, laugh every time. And then we do the backyard scene. First my set up and then we get to watch Joey move. Ron rehearses him through it and then he does a rough improv, after the fence is fixed, and he’s just beautiful. Ron is at once profoundly paternal and a focused stunt coordinator. Two takes, gorgeous. We’re done. UGH. That’s over… too fast.

Coffee with Tim and Vanessa and Mike and Cesar, after meeting up with crew, Mark McGraw, Mark Rutledge, listening to music by Sean and Jimmy, talking Joseph Campbell and Jeff Buckley.

Up early the next day – have to get together press materials with Tarik to take to NY for Tribeca screening. A few days off in NY and I’ll be back.