RESEARCH

It's never been like this before. Researching characters is usually the academic part of the exercise, but I have got to say, this was a research period like no other. Reading Now That You Know was emotional enough -- because so much of it is testimonial. I learned a lot and it pointed me in the direction of actually getting the statistics of the matter -- suicides amongst gay teens, the shocking initial velocity of loss to the AIDS virus in the 1980s, the rise in criminal violence, the number of gay homeless -- the majority kicked out of intolerant homes. I could sympathize with all of this. But these mothers I began to interview. This crossed the line into empathy. Tears, anger, respect, regret -- and those were just my emotions. I'm going to condense my journal here. My notes are long, the mothers many (dozens across the country), and I intend to be respectful enough to avoid getting too specific about any one families story.

But there were some serious stories.

One woman was threatened with ex-communication by her church. She "ex-communicated" her son instead. She wasn't there for her sons death, but nursed his surviving lover until his death from AIDS, after her remorse and regret drew her from the church that would disown her. Another mom became so politically active in the AIDS movement, she realized this cause, in the name of her son, was her purpose for living -- and his dying. And the mom who stayed up for 48 straight hours. The leader of her support group at PFLAG, and a veteran survivor from the 80's, she saw dozens of panicking group members, with young men on colleges across the country, through the tragic loss of Matthew Shepard, and the backlash of fear. And the single mom, who learned her young son was gay one sunny afternoon when she read it in his suicide note. He had hung himself in his closet -- there were still stuffed animals in there she said. I've met a current HIV survivor who's lived (well) with the disease for, now, decades. I even talked to one dad -- a retired military man who now wears his rainbow embellished "Proud Father of a Gay Son" t-shirt to pride day. And thankfully, families who have avoided AIDS and violence and saw through their revelations with support and love and tolerance.

I cry every time I think about these parents. Some were strong, some regretfully flawed. Denial, acceptance, anger, vigilance, heroism, and even, finally, celebration. There were no two stories that were the same, but I did learn that in the end, above all else, these women LOVED their sons. Dozens of paths that ended with love. I would take that with me. It's with me now, as a human. I came to see "Annie" as not just a priviledge as an actress to play, a job to do, but a responsibility I knew I could never fully realize. But what gratitude to be given the chance.

Buddy
Eric
Dave
Steve
Cameron
Liz
Chris
Seth
Jessie
Jamie
Mike
Tony
Matt
Kevin


I had to blow off Mark's stunt class for the local interviews. I think I wouldn't cried less at stunt class... I look like a demented ballerina anyway.


But this is what's really amazing... This script covers so much ground, prejudice of so many kinds -- homophobia, sexism, racism. It's such a human, intimate story with such incredible universality. I'm reading this, repeatedly, and with every interview with every new Mom, I find more and more truth in this script. These hidden truths -- right there.